I've been very slow getting Mental Health Awareness Month email out. Let's just say a few things got in the way. But even though the month is drawing to a close, I wanted to send a deliberate message about what mental health awareness can look like. And to show off a few new designs and pieces I've been working on.
Not long after I leased my new studio-gallery space here in Olde Towne Moline, I was working long hours getting ready for my “soft opening”. I was tired and not as focused as I should’ve been. I needed some more marketing materials and was cutting the postcards with my “industrial” paper cutter -- the old shear type. I'd previously removed the safety guard, and like everyone who removes a safety guard says, "but I had a good reason!!" But I'd also broken the safety guard while trying to remove it. So here I was, tired and cutting without a safety guard. I don't even need to finish the thought -- you know where it's going. Fortunately, my thumb injury wasn't bad enough to go to the emergency room, but it wasn't pretty. After my initial shock, I did a half-ass first aid job and then commiserated on a group text with my nieces for sympathy.
Done with the day, I went home. Once there, I hid my injury from John while I got myself something to eat. I knew John would be concerned about my injury, but I also knew he would remind me of how careless I am with knives and blades in general. Honestly, I've cut myself more times than I can remember, and yes, I should know better by now. But this night, I was tired, and now cranky, and didn't really want to explain yet another careless, self-inflicted, blade accident. (Which is why I commiserated with my nieces. They don't know how many times I've cut myself!)
Even though I didn’t tell John about the actual injury, I couldn't hide my bad mood from him. After dinner, I noticed the left-over cupcakes from a little celebration earlier in the week. Since I’d already eaten a few of them, (and I’ll eat almost anything made from sugar), I asked John “which cupcake flavor would you like? chocolate or white cake?” to make sure to leave him the one he’d like.
I still love his response. "Angela, if it will make you feel better, you can have whichever cupcakes you like.”
And you know what? That day, a cupcake made me feel better.
But before the sugar kicked in, I had one last cranky comment for John. "Just be glad it’s a normal bad day and not a mental health bad day.” And then, I ate cupcake number two.
Let me just say, I am so grateful for bad days that get better with a cupcake or two. I hadn't had a lot of those in the past few years. I think I had forgotten what they were like. And I'd almost given up hope that I would have them again ... much less any good days.
I've been pretty open and honest about my mental health journey. Recognizing that bad days are normal has been part of that journey. And as I write what has become my annual Mental Health Awareness Month email, I also recognize the change in my head and my life from a year ago.
A year ago, I started my quest for "non-traditional" depression treatment in a Stanford clinical trial. It changed my world. Participating in it wasn't easy, and I'm not saying life has been easy peasy since then. But now, I'm able to be an active participant in my own life, without the overarching shadow of that darkness of depression. And it's the overall dedication to mental health awareness that made this possible. I'm so grateful to all the information, treatment and support that I've gotten from so many people and places through out the years. It's impossible to name them all. I'm also thankful to have support as part of my daily life. And part of that is a husband who offers me all the cupcakes when I have a bad day. It really does make a difference.
I'm also grateful for all of you who reached out to me with support. And yes, equally thankful for those who reached out to me for support when you needed it. I know asking for help isn't easy, but from my perspective It means this conversation about mental health is working, no matter how small it may seem. Thank you for keeping it going.
Mental Health Awareness
I know the month is almost over, but I wanted to do something a little special this year. My treatment at Stanford used a specialized transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) protocol they referred to as SAINT. So, in a nod to the science, the art, and the wonders of the brain, I've created brain charms as necklaces and keychains. A little nerdy? Yeah, mabe. But hey, I'm an engineer too. And who doesn't like a little nerdy sometimes. The charm design is based on my own MRI scans. And the little bullsye? Yep, that's the spot the SAINT protocol was targeting ... the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex. And for me, these charms are a nod and thanks to the science, art, brain, and heart that gave me a new view on life.
To give back, just a little, I'll be donating 20% of each sale of brain charms through the end of June (since I'm a little late publishing). 20% of the sale will go to National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI.org). You get to contribute, and you can use the charms as a conversation starter about mental health.
Feel free to share my story, and please keep the conversation going.
And now, as always in May, my ask . . .
Do something deliberate in support of better mental health for all of us.
Here are some ideas:
· reach out - when someone close to you needs support.
· reach out - when you need support.
· donate - to a mental health advocacy / provider group (NAMI is one)
· purchase a brain charm - a portion of the proceeds will go to NAMI, and
· have a conversation about mental health ... the brain charms are a good conversation starter.
Thank you again for being part of my artistic and life journey.
And as I enjoy this holiday wekend, I'm grateful to the soldiers who have sacrificed to keep us safe.
<3 Angela
Please feel free to contact me if you want to chat about my mental health journey or treatment, as well as my art. You can also find out more about the Stanford SAINT protocol here:
· https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2021/10/depression-treatment.html